Sunday, August 10, 2008

when the number of years don't matter anymore...

For the first time in my life, I feel like my friends don't care about me anymore. I've known these people for at least 8 years of my life, and we've been there through the happy times and the rough times. But not so much last night.
I will be leaving to Korea with T to teach English and I'll be gone for a year. It's only a year right and it'll be done so fast. But somehow during that year, I'll feel like my friends will be drifiting apart from me slowly.
So anyway I was going to have dinner with them yesterday and during the day I went to Yorkdale Mall and they would meet up with me and I ended up waiting for 30 minutes infront of Coach. I already informed one of my friends but apparently the message didn't get through to the rest of them because they all split up to walk around. And this friend that I told where I was waiting thought I was shopping at Coach when she knows I don't even like Coach. Luckily T was waiting with me. Right when they finally came to find me sitting there, T just got up and stormed back to his car and left without saying hi.
During dinner, one of them decided to ask us "what was the most expensive present you ever got for anyone (in the group of friends)" Then the answers came pouring out at once. "I got you a cell phone", "Remember that huge Winnie the Pooh I got you? It was like $100 before tax!", "It was that Coach agenda that was $200 (I think or somewhere around that)" and me, "I think it was that KumaKuma turtle chair I got you for $50" In my mind thinking, my friends must think I'm a cheap ass. One of them decides to say out loud about me "Her presents are from the heart!" Because I can't afford expensive purses, cellphones and agendas for their birthdays. I work at Starbucks and they don't pay me $20/hour and I'm not getting enough hours at work. And I also prefer NOT to have my credit cards maxed out every time. Last Christmas I got them all the Starbucks Christmas Mug that looks just like the paper cups and one of them tells me she wanted the white one. Ok..what am I supposed to say to that, "Don't worry I'll exchange it??"
I didn't even have enough money to go on one of their birthday trips last weekend because I was helping my mom pay for some of the $1000 vet bill, which included putting down my cat. (that will be another story). I wonder if they're upset because I didn't go, because I didn't want to borrow money from them and because I spent a majority of my money for the application process to Korea.

Another thing that bugs the hell outta me is when we plan big events.
Like this Disney trip for example. We were planning to take the tour bus to go sightseeing while going to Disney World and this trip apparently cost around the same amount as if we flew to Disney World and stayed at the resort. But you know we're all going with "our friends" so majority rules and we travel by tour bus. This tour bus package BTW means that we spend 2 days in the bus, and live outside of Disney World and rush through 2 parks a day, go to Sea World and rush through Universal.
Prior to the trip, T was the one that found the package with the airplane and staying at the Disney resort. But my friends think it's too expensive even though you just need to add like $100 more or something, BUT you get to stay in the resort and take your time playing around. My friends think that spending 7 days in the Disney resort is boring and they want to go sightseeing, even though we can take a cab somewhere from the resort. So they actually have the nerve to tell me that I can go with T and they meet us there? WTH?? So stupid me, I decided to drop the whole flying to Disney thing and take the tour bus. As the trip was still being planned, two of them decided that it might be more fun going to Cuba, and guess what? If they didn't want to go to Disney, the whole trip would be cancelled just for them. But if I didn't go, they would tell me that I still have T to go on trips with me.
Blah blah blah, you probably get the picture.
This happens for other events too. Going karaoke, dinners, etc. I don't go they all still go, if one or two of them don't then no one else goes.

Sometimes I think I need to grow some balls and just tell them off. But in the back of my head I think, they're the only people that I've known. I've known them for 8 years and they should care about me. I know I've been there for them whenever they need me, so why aren't they? After all, the longer you know someone the better friends you become right?
I'm not so sure anymore.


rocketqueen said...

If you feel like that, do tell them off! If they really are your friends they will understand and be more fair to you in the future! They won't change if you don't say anything, so come clean and say what you think in a nice manner! Believe me, I've been there...

And yes, they're the only people you've known, but you can hang out with them not-so-often and get new, really cool and fun friends! There are so many out there and when you're as nice as I think you seem, you will find cool friends who are so nice to you! Sometimes, you just grow in two different directions, just because you were friends in fifth grade doesn't mean you have to be friends with them forever! People change, but some never and that can be boring too (I mean that they probably haven't grown to care for others as much as you have). Yes, they have great sides as well, but think about if it's worth it sometimes!

Think about Korea and all the lovely people you'll meet there! Talk to new people, it's all about daring I think! Be bold, step forward, take all the chances you can get! Much luck to you and I hope you understood all my babblings here :)


CuttiBeBe said...

I definitely feel you on this post. I, too, was very dependent on my friends. I was never a loner, but years of back stabbing and disappointment made me this way.

my "best friend" whom I've know since the 7th grade was the only friend i used to have. however, she stole my first boyfriend, told me that a guy whom i liked actually likes her, if she got in trouble in school, i had to cover up for her and yet she still did a whole shit load of crap to me. long story short, i went on to college and she never finished her 2 yr institute. now that we have grown older, i feel like i can forgive her b/c i "beat" her in terms of quality of life. I made double of what she makes and I own a house, blah blah, but deep down inside, i still feel hurt from all those years of "friendship abuse"

another story, i had a roommate in college whom i grew very close with. we did everything together. she was like my sister. but she always made me feel guilty hanging out with chinese people, b/c she's cambodian and she feels uncomfortable when i bring her to those events. so i slowly stopped hanging out with my own kind and always went to her events. then slowly, i can tell that she feel like she's superior than me b/c i'm always tagging along with her. we had a very long cold war. when you are in a cold war with your roommate, it's very uncomfortable. we stopped talking and she's turn off the lights while i'm still up and reading, she'd dump my food in the fridge in the garbage. anyways, i felt really hurt and scared at the same time to loose her a friend, but at the end of the day, i feel so proud of myself for cutting the ties with her, b/c then i would have never know what it is like to hang out with my chinese friends and they turned out to be my closest friends even though we only know each other for 2-3 years.

years doesn't really matter. the click between personality is so much more important than what you guys did 6 yrs ago. i don't remember anything i did 6 yrs ago. you will not too if you don't hang out with them. when that group of friends become the ONLY group of friends you hang out with. you depend on them so much more. they will exclude for no good reason thus they won't reply to your "tell them off" email. they will not understand that they've hurted you and won't acknowledge their mistakes. maybe b/c they don't care about you enough to even find out more where those feelings come from.

don't feel so conflicted about keeping up with your friends while you are in korea, if anything, i'd suggest you make a whole shit load of new friends, trust me, you will. with all those foreign english teachers, you will be around the same age, love doing the same activities, therefore hanging out more. see this trip not as a blockage between u and ur friends, but see it as a time away from your comfort zone to learn about YOURSELF. when there are so many people in your life and their emotions affecting you. you can't really see/feel who you really are.

i have different group of friends. but i'm not like super tight with any particular one. be picky about your friends, however, don't think they are you, or you are them. you have T! the one true best friend you have in front of u! H is my best friend, hands down. he doesn't judge me. he doesn't ignore me. he can tell if i'm feel well or not by looking at me. you don't NEED your friends who wants want you around. don't live up to their standard. you are you and if they don't see what a beautiful person you are, it's their loss. find people who can really click with you.

it will hurt. it will feel awkard the first month of being away from your "friends". but you know it in your heart, this is the best for me. just like me! i'm still hurting and feeling guilty about telling my friend off, b/c i think i might have come off too hard. but at the end of the day, i think, i only hang out with her once every 2 months and most of the time it's b/c she doesn't want to make the effort of being here. so why am i tripping about this girl who i don't even see that much? if she saw me as a good friend, she will come back.

now is the time to find out who your true friends are!

by the way, expensive gifts are so overrated. you are not here to buy friends. again, don't let THEIR standard measure how YOU ARE as a person. you are powerless over anyone's judgement over you, you powerless over anyone but YOU. so be powerful and better yourself. then, friends will be attracted to your personality and will WANT to be your friend. =)


MiuMiu said...

Thanks everyone, your comments mean alot to me. I've already cut myself from one of my friends along time ago and it wasn't easy as she sometimes tries to get in touch with me. But deep down, i know she hasn't changed.
i think i've been denying it all these years, everytime i think about highschool and university. i usually only see them maybe 2 times a month now, if i question why we don't see each other often, the reason is usually because they all have work, which i understand because it's a FT job, but also because they think i'm spending so much time with my bf that i don't need them.
after i've told them off there was no reply, and probably because they didn't see it coming, nor do they understand why. i saw on one of their msn names "i don't understand" and i knew it was about me, yet none of them is even making an effort.
i've even planned a dinner for this sunday with them because i'm leaving soon, and after that email, they decided to get a mutal friend to call me and ask to make dinner later because they were all going go to be at an amusement park and can't make it. so i just cancelled that shit. one of them asks me why i cancelled it, and i told her i didn't want to to make MY dinner any later. so she changes the topic and tells me that a party is planned for another friend on August 31 and i cleary remember i told her i was leaving between 21-23. she had nothing to say.
omgg..if i let this get to me any more i think my period is gonna be late for another week. *calm blue ocean*

paperdollrevenge said...

I tollllllllllllld you I'm stalking your blog tonight!

I'm like, half a year late on reading this post but I just wanted to say your side of the story/situations is totally understandable and I can relate. Sometimes I think the whole concept of friendship is ludicrous 'cause reality can be so far off from what I believe it should be! I think that's another of life's jokes, hehe. =)

Brendel said...

I just found your blog through Lotus Palace. And I like the fact that you are so honest in your posts.

I'll definitely include you in my daily reads.

K / BihadaDiaries said...

So I'm like 2 years late in reading this post...

Sometimes people can be so flaky! I'm so sorry you had to go through that!!!!!